At a time when once again we’re in and around the race for 4^th, many fans are questioning where the resources will come from to close that gap, whilst others are talking about the days when Everton would have classed finishing 4^th as failure not success.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be attempting to look at where it all went wrong for Everton, what the current board are doing to fix that problem, what they’ve failed to do, and look at what Everton need to do to close the gap on the top teams both on and off the field.

Throughout the 60s under the stewardship of John Moores, Everton were at the cutting edge of world football on and off the field, with so many of our ‘firsts’ being pre 1970. Since 1978, when John Moores retired as chairman, Everton have had 4 different owners/chairman leading the club. So I thought I’d do a little mock job description of what job each chairman would have had to do when they took over, and where the results of their reign left us.

Things are great, OK we’ve not really won anything for 8 years, but we’ve been in a couple of title races and nearly done it in the cups. The business side is probably the best in the country, we’re the Mersey Millionaires! Make sure you keep up the good work, keep it innovative, keep the facilities world class and keep us at the cutting edge of football business. Remember, Nil Satis Nisi Optimum!

Sir David Marsh 1991-1994:

OK, we’ve let things slide a little there, not quite cutting edge anymore but we’re still part of the big 5. Don’t worry we can put things right again, the Premierleague is being formed next year and it’s going global, just make sure you get Everton up there and the club will promote itself. Oh and stadiums are going all seater, but don’t worry, we’re also getting a grant to build a stand, so a top class two tier Park End will do it. Remember, the Toffees are going global!

Wow, that was close, just got out of that one, thank f*** for Stuart. Anyway, kind’ve missed the start of the whole Premierleague global tidal wave thing, but don’t worry, it’s only just starting to pick up pace. Oh yeah, and that ‘Big 5’ thing is looking a bit shaky there, better get doing some work on that. Remember think big, think global, think Everton! 

Aaaaah! Christ, erm, sorry about this, where to start. That ‘Big 5’ thing wasn’t that important to us was it? It was? Well in that case if we ignore Newcastle, Chelsea, Leeds and Aston Villa we’re still one of the Big 5, in fact if we ignore Man U, Liverpool, Arsenal and Spurs as well I think we can claim to be the Big 1! In financial terms? You mean as in the general state of the club? Well if you ignore West Ham and Sunderland as well I think we measure up pretty well. What do you mean you’ve heard we’re 18th in the table for revenue per spectator? Look this isn’t fair, none of the other chairmen got the chance to ask questions, let me finish. Well there’s a teeney weeney cash flow problem. How teeney weeney? Err, does it matter? OK, well let’s just say the club’s official line is Mhyre is half the keeper Gerrard is, Ferguson wasn’t that much of a hero and buying players is over rated, selling players is where it’s at. The Mersey who? Millionaires? The only millionaires you’ll find on around here are the bankers waiting for their next payment on our crippling short term loans. What, I never said anything, no, you must have misheard, why would I mention bankers? Look I thought I told you no questions! OK, right, we’re kind’ve mid table in the financial tables and kind’ve midtable in the Premierleague. What do you mean? Of course hovering above the relegation is midtable! Anyway, Goodison and Bellefield are in need of a little dusting and the team needs a little tweaking. But if we try really really hard one day I think we can become a mediocore lower midtable club! I know it seems a little far fetched at the moment, but someone with true vision can see that one day we will reach the dizzy heights of lower midtable. Remember, mediocrity is not impossible!

We’re right behind the top four on the pitch, we just need to try and close the gap off it and help out the team. Finch Farm is world class but something needs to be done about the stadium. We’re probably in the top 10 in terms of finances, it’s OK but we need more to challenge for major honours. Merchandising needs some work but we’ve got Kitbag in to sort it out, but then again we said the same about JJB, so err, Watch This Space. Most the clubs are spending well beyond their means, so the word of the day is debt debt debt! We’re currently about 9th or 10th in terms of debt at the moment so you’ve got a bit movement there, just sign that little piece of paper and just underwrite those loans. We’re not the Mersey M(B)illionaires again quite yet, but we’re getting closer. Remember, Kopites are Gobshites!

Comments are closed.