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Post Reply 
Joke
08-27-2008, 06:45 PM
Post: #41
RE: Joke
I just love this thread.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Its nice to be home.
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08-27-2008, 07:30 PM
Post: #42
RE: Joke
Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo, checking out the animals.

They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

They stand and watch him for half an hour.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch the gorilla's penis. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and butt f*cks him for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Two days later his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT? AM I HURT!!", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be!? He hasn't called, he hasn't written ...
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08-27-2008, 07:34 PM
Post: #43
RE: Joke
your a very disturbed young man EB!! Laughing
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08-27-2008, 07:37 PM (This post was last modified: 08-27-2008 07:39 PM by EverBlue.)
Post: #44
RE: Joke
(08-27-2008 07:34 PM)1878evertonian Wrote:  your a very disturbed young man EB!! Laughing

you cant stand the heat mate,
get out of the damn kitchen :nahnahna:
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08-27-2008, 08:09 PM
Post: #45
RE: Joke
The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women


Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.

That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.

Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).

Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.

Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.

Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)

Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)

Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

"Everton are a bigger club than Liverpool. Everywhere you go on Merseyside you bump into Everton supporters."
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08-28-2008, 06:47 PM
Post: #46
RE: Joke
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz..'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador') , because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
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08-28-2008, 07:08 PM
Post: #47
RE: Joke
(08-27-2008 07:30 PM)EverBlue Wrote:  Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo, checking out the animals.

They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

They stand and watch him for half an hour.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch the gorilla's penis. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and butt f*cks him for six hours nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Two days later his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT? AM I HURT!!", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be!? He hasn't called, he hasn't written ...

That is hilarious EB, one of my favourites.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Its nice to be home.
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08-30-2008, 07:03 PM (This post was last modified: 08-30-2008 07:08 PM by Yalides.)
Post: #48
RE: Joke
A young couple who had just met at a party, decide to leave together.

They walk hand in hand and, as they stroll, the young man's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when the young woman says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to have a p1ss". Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the hedge.

As he waits, he can hear the sound of tight panties sliding down voluptuous legs and he imagines what loveliness is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and touches her smooth, bare leg. He gently brings his hand further up to her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, warm, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He gasps in horror, "My God Mary have you changed your sex!?"

"No", she replies, "I've changed my mind, I'm having a sh1t instead".

********************************************************************************​***
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk
dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the
doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come-in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the
girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of
course the Madam said "no." He said, "I heard all the men talking about
having to get shots after making it with Amber." "THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the
hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way
he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when
Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Its nice to be home.
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08-30-2008, 07:12 PM
Post: #49
RE: Joke
There are three pregnant women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. To break the silence the brunette says "apparently the position you do when you have sex determines the sex of the baby, I was on top so I'm having a boy". The redhead then adds "Well I was underneath so that means I'm having a girl". The blonde then says worryingly "Oh sh*t, I'm having puppies".
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08-30-2008, 07:30 PM
Post: #50
RE: Joke
(08-30-2008 07:12 PM)EverBlue Wrote:  There are three pregnant women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. To break the silence the brunette says "apparently the position you do when you have sex determines the sex of the baby, I was on top so I'm having a boy". The redhead then adds "Well I was underneath so that means I'm having a girl". The blonde then says worryingly "Oh sh*t, I'm having puppies".

LaughingLaughingLaughing

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Its nice to be home.
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