Joke

[Yalides]

A little girl sees her parents naked one day. A couple hours later, she asks her dad, "Daddy, when am I going to get those things that Mommie has on her chest?"

"When you're a little older," her dad replies.

The girl thinks about that for a second, then asks, "When am I going to get the thing you have hanging between your legs?"

The dad looks nervously over his shoulder for his wife, then says under his breath, "As soon as your mom leaves."

[Mein blut ist blau]

What's got 22 legs & only 3 teeth?



















The methadone queue in the chemist's

[Mein blut ist blau]

So there I was, standin' on the pavement, with a pork pie in one hand, a can of stella in t'other, in me union jack waistcoat & bowler hat, singin patriotic songs along with the rest of the neighbours, as the procession went by...............



























I fuckin' LOVE paki funerals, me.

---

Dame kelly holmes: "Dr, I've taken so many steroids, that I think I'm growin' a cock"

Dr: "Steroids, you say? Anabolic?"

Dame kelly holmes: "No, just a cock so far"

[Mein blut ist blau]

So, throwin' bananas and shoutin' "Take that you f*ckin' monkey!" is deemed racist by uefa now, is it?





As usual, one rule for the blacks, and another for mario kart.

[Yalides]

A budding actor walks into an agent’s office in Hollywood looking for work. He hands over his CV, the agents sees he has done a few adverts & bit parts. He decides to put him on his books; he asks the guy his name?
Penis Van Lesbian came the reply.
The agent laughs & tells him he must change his name if he is to get anywhere, the guy is despondent & leaves the office.
10 years later the agent gets a letter, enclosed with the letter was a cheque for $10,000.
The letter read:
Dear Sir,
I took your good advice & changed my name, as you can see by the enclosed gift I thank you.

Yours truly
Dick Van Dyke

[Mein blut ist blau]

I was chattin' to some tubby bird with massive tits, last night.

"Me face is up here" I said, as she ogled my cheeseburger.

[Yalides]

I was sitting at a stop light yesterday, minding my own business and waiting on it to turn green.

A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half- burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a “Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.

The light changed, the Muslims praised Allah, shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of me.

Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it completely, killing everyone in the car.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, “Man... that could have been me!"

So today; bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

[Mein blut ist blau]

The missus packed my bags and screamed at me, as I walked out the front door: "I hope you have a slow, lingerin' & painful death, ya b******"

I replied: "Make your friggin' mind up missus, either I stay or go!"

[Yalides]

A young guy is sat at the bat, having no luck in pulling a woman. An older guy watching him fail every time, goes over to him, and tells him he's going about it in the wrong way. " Just watch and learn " he tells the youngster. Just then this gorgeous blonde walks onto the bar, " tickle your arse with a feather" the old guy says to the blonde. "I beg your pardon, what did you just say to me? " said the blonde. "It's very depressing weather" said the old guy, and immediately started taking to her. The young guy was impressed by this, orders another drink to await for a target , several drinks later a brunette comes up to the bar. To which the by now pissed young guy says " I could stick a brush shaft up your arse" The brunette said " what did you just say" the drunken young guy pausing trying to think clearly replies " it's pissing down outside"

[Mein blut ist blau]

That sounds like me!

I was in the alehouse, sippin' a pina colada, when some bird came up to me and said: "Oi, what are you doin' with that? - it's mine"

"Get tae fook woman, I've just bought it" I curtly replied

She said: "I left it on the bar when I went the toilet just now, I come back, and there's you holdin' it"

" Pah! You're gonna need more proof than that, missus" I sneered.

"Sound" she said. "Look inside the handbag, and you'll find my purse, make-up & tampons"